Dog food
I was buying a large bag of Eukanuba dog food at Pick ' n Pay and standing in a queue at the check-out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her no, I was starting the Eukanuba Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t ' t because I ' d ended up in hospital last time, but that I ' d lost 22 kilos before I awoke in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that all you do is load your pockets with Eukanuba nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. And I told her that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that by now, practically everyone in the queue was enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I ' d ended up in hospital in that condition because I ' d been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I ' d been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
Stupid cow... why else would I buy dog food?